


Death is Boring

by ctrl_plus_c



Series: DR characters being emotional [1]
Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Boredom, Hinata Hajime and Kamukura Izuru Are Merged, Kamukura Izuru Has Feelings, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Suicide Attempt, Trans Hinata Hajime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:23:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28715706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ctrl_plus_c/pseuds/ctrl_plus_c
Summary: Izuru's finally come to the realization that anything and everything bores him.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime & Kamukura Izuru, Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito/Nanami Chiaki
Series: DR characters being emotional [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105064
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	Death is Boring

**Author's Note:**

> This is the start to a project to help raise awareness to the fact that anyone can have mental health issues and everyone deserves help. Especially with how this fandom is.

Struggling is something a human god should not be able to do. In reality, he could do everything but struggle. Build a rocket, outrun a cheetah, find the cure for cancer, fix world hunger, save millions of lives. They had a purpose far greater than what 'struggling' could hold back. He didn't deserve to struggle, to philosophize about the meaning of his own existence, for all he did was serve. They'd known since forever that their purpose was to be leeched off of, to be used as a tool for those with the inability to do what he could.

Now, as the leaves fluttered down from the trees to form piles of red, orange, and brown on the front lawn, and as the weather only got colder, autumn settling into full bloom, all he could think about was _why_. Having talent was a must, going to Hopes Peak was a promise to succeed, but why did Hinata Hajime have to desire to have talent so bad that he died for it? Not physically, of course, Hinata was gone mentally. The boy without talent, but with a reason to live. The boy who wasn't a tool, the boy who could find meaning in an existence that bored Kamukura to no end. 

Some days, when Kamukura knew he was doing something that Hinata would never do, he felt a twinge of pain at the back of his mind, like the old boy was trying to return and take hold over his body again. It was a feeble attempt, but Kamukura knew Hinata deserved life more than he did. They were an artificial being, one made through the struggles of mankind, made to be an asset, not another living being.

Speaking of living beings, they happened to live with two other people. He was 95% sure that they both liked some part of him more than the rest. In Nanami's case, it's the fact that he used to be Hinata. He was the living remnant, he was all that was left of Hinata, so she was stuck with him. For Komaeda, he was probably in love with his numerous talents. It wouldn't surprise them if that were the case.

It felt good to lie to himself. To live in a fantasy where Nanami and Komaeda loved him for him, not for Hinata or for his talents. But with his infinitely vast knowledge and his ability to predict anything and everything that would happen in the future, it was hard to continue living in that fake world. As much as the truth was horrible, he could find it in himself to hope that the two would love him.

That fantasy would end today. They'd gone and drawn a bath filled with warm water, decorating it in painfully boring rose petals simply for the 'aesthetic'. Perhaps, when their body was discovered in a pool of their own blood surrounded by rose petals with the scent of vanilla covering up the smell of death, Komaeda would be able to find some beauty in it, even despite the loss of hope and talent. 

Komaeda always had loved pretty things.

Kamukura couldn't agree with his philosophy. He understood Komaeda's word vomit of hope and despair easily enough, but he didn't agree with it. After all, if Kamukura wanted a certain side to overcome the other, that side would win with ease. It was boring that way. If they were to step aside and let hope and despair battle on their own, then it might not be as boring. Hope always won in the end though, so there was no way to find entertainment on either side.

The water in the tub was boring. The splash of red from the flowers was boring, and he couldn't find it in himself to admit that it was beautiful. It was just boring to him, and nothing more. They were already undressed, naked save for a pair of briefs. He eyed the razor laying on the edge of the bathtub before picking it up, twirling it in his fingers, and examining the small metal object that symbolized so much death and despair from all the lives it had taken.

They took the first step into the tub, water rippling as his foot met the water. His other foot followed soon after, and now he was standing in a coffin full of water. They maneuvered themselves, sitting down in the tub and making sure none of the water spilled out. The water buried him up to his chest, soaking his scarred body in comfortable warmth.

Now was the best time to appreciate Hinata's body for what it was. It'd changed over the course of belonging to Kamukura, gaining more scars, a slight bit of muscle, a little extra height. Hinata would have loved the scars on his chest, the ones that symbolized his top surgery, one of the few times Kamukura'd actually felt somewhat happy. Before the surgery, his chest was such a hindrance, binding every day unless he wanted to feel the strange feeling known as dysphoria.

Their hair floated in bunches in the tub, what of it that was wet swimming around in the water impatiently. His hair always felt heavier when it was wet, but he'd never considered a haircut in fear of reminding himself that Hinata existed simply by looking in the mirror. Contemplating Hinata always brought an ache to his chest, a sinking guilty feeling when in reality, their existence was all Hinata's fault. Hinata asked for this, Kamukura shouldn't feel bad.

But they do, and it hurts more than anything else could.

For a while longer he didn't move. They knew Nanami was just in the other room, and while they couldn't trust themselves to the task of preventing this, they could trust Nanami to know what to do. She always knew what to do, always knew how to achieve hope without being an outward hope worshipper like Komaeda. They were both nearby, both of them were home. Komaeda was making dinner, the smell of cooking beef drifting through the whole house. Nanami was busy winning a gaming championship that she would no doubt achieve first place in.

He knew she would stop immediately if she knew what he was about to do. Only because he was Hinata. Only because he was the living embodiment of hope. There was no other reason, he told himself. If they listened close enough, they could hear the game music playing. Maybe it would be better if he didn't stop, just out of the want not to bother them.

They brought the razor back into view, contemplating how to go about this. He wanted to die, wanted to die fast, and knew just the places to slice to do that. _Ultimate Anatomist, Ultimate Anthropologist, Ultimate Doctor, Ultimate Nurse._ He was all of them. It wouldn't be hard to kill himself. They moved the razor over the underside of his arm, knowing exactly what he was doing. A quick, painful death.

Brachial artery.

They repeated the name in their mind over and over again, easily locating the best part in his right arm to cut to reach the artery. It would be a deep cut, but it was better than bleeding out for half an hour. Or maybe he wanted a chance at rescue, maybe he didn't truly want to die. Maybe he just wanted a brush with death to find out if it was boring or not.

They moved the razor away from the spot they'd been holding it, moving it up his arm, making the first incision there. Blood slowly began to seep out of the wound in thick droplets, barely enough to die. The craze went on from there, the slight sting of pain from each cut doing nothing to stop him as they only got deeper, blood making its way down his arms now into a mess in the water.

With their right arm finished, he switched hands and began working on the left. His right hand was unsteady from all the blood pouring out of it, which only made the cuts messier and bloodier. Their left arm began contributing to the bloodied water, dying part of it red. They set the razor on the side of the tub, hearing it clatter to the floor soon after.

In the haze of losing blood, he started to regret it. Death wasn't boring, death wasn't what he wanted. They could continue living this fantasy, and the nagging at the back of their brain agreed. Maybe if he died, then Hinata would come back. But destroying the boy's body wasn't the way to go.

"Nanami!" Their voice came out as a croak, and Nanami most likely didn't even hear him over the game she was playing. They were proven wrong as she came up to the bathroom door, knocking as a warning she was there, before opening the door and audibly gasping. Her eyes went wide and she quickly called for Komaeda, not knowing any medical expertise herself. Kamukura would solve his problem on his own if he could work up the ability to move.

Soon enough, he was being doted on by his partners. Nanami had started to drain the tub, having left to get him blankets to keep him warm. Komaeda, with his limited medical knowledge, began pressing towels to his wrists to soak up the blood, not wanting to wrap them until they stopped bleeding. He didn't say a word, simply listening to Nanami when she gave him an order. Besides that, they were both silent.

But they weren't disappointed with him. Once his cuts were treated, he was enveloped into a tight hug and told he was loved over and over again. It managed to convince him that maybe he'd never lived in a fantasy, maybe it was all in his head. Either way, he wouldn't try this again. Even if Nanami and Komaeda were predictable and boring, the concern they held for him managed to create a fuzzy feeling in his chest.

Love isn't boring.

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide Hotlines, for those who need help:
> 
> \- [ ] Argentina: +5402234930430   
> \- [ ] Australia: 131114   
> \- [ ] Austria: 142; for children and young people, 147   
> \- [ ] Belgium: 106   
> \- [ ] Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05   
> \- [ ] Botswana: 3911270   
> \- [ ] Brazil: 188 for the CVV National Association   
> \- [ ] Canada: 1 .833 .456 .4566, 5147234000   
> \- [ ] (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)   
> \- [ ] Croatia: 014833888   
> \- [ ] Denmark: +4570201201   
> \- [ ] Egypt: 7621602   
> \- [ ] Estonia: 3726558088;   
> \- [ ] Russian 3726555688   
> \- [ ] Finland: 010 195 202   
> \- [ ] France: 0145394000   
> \- [ ] Germany: 08001810771   
> \- [ ] Holland: 0900767   
> \- [ ] Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000   
> \- [ ] Hungary: 116123   
> \- [ ] India: 8888817666   
> \- [ ] Ireland: +44058457909090   
> \- [ ] Italy: 800860022   
> \- [ ] Japan: +810352869090   
> \- [ ] Mexico: 5255102550   
> \- [ ] New Zealand: 0800543354   
> \- [ ] Norway: +4781533300   
> \- [ ] Philippines: 028969191   
> \- [ ] Poland: 5270000   
> \- [ ] Portugal: 21 854 07 40/8 . 96 898 21 50   
> \- [ ] Russia: 0078202577577   
> \- [ ] Spain: 914590050   
> \- [ ] South Africa: 0514445691   
> \- [ ] Sweden: 46317112400   
> \- [ ] Switzerland: 143   
> \- [ ] United Kingdom: 08457909090   
> \- [ ] USA: 18002738255   
> \- [ ] Veterans’ Crisis Line: 1 800 273 8255/ text 383255


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